4 Signs of Relationship Death

When I started providing couples therapy, I really looked at my own relationship and the relationship of my parents, friends, and beyond. I saw that relationships ebb and flow — they have their strong periods and their not-so-strong periods.

In relationships, there is this constant renewing and rediscovery found in healthy couples because as the relationship matures, so do the individuals. They tend to grow together and separately in a good way. The person you met when they were in their 20's isn't into the same things they are now in their 30's. But what happens when life happens? Growth, aging, children, family issues, work, finances, resentment...

When I first meet with couples, I assess how disconnected they are by evaluating these 4 areas of their life. It's a great way for them to see how disconnected they really are from each other.

1. Physical Death

Physical death in the relationship means that there is little to no physical affection being displayed. This can come in the form of a hug, kiss, sex, foreplay, rub, massage, holding hands — basically anything that requires physical contact with one another. This is the most primitive one, so it's typically the first one to go.

2. Logistical Death

Logistical death in a relationship is when couples start doing things on their own and separating themselves from one another in transactional ways. Examples: opening up a new bank account, getting your own cell phone account, taking more separate vacation trips, sleeping in separate bedrooms, eating apart, living apart as a norm.

3. Emotional Death

This goes beyond losing the spark. This is feeling absolutely nothing for the person — and by that, I mean nothing positive. In fact, the only feelings you might experience are negative. This typically is one of the last ones to really manifest because it would take the other two to happen before you reached this limit.

4. Spiritual Death

When we fall in love with someone, we open our hearts and our souls in a deep and meaningful way. We could logistically be divorced from them, geographically separated, and not see them anymore. But if we don't disconnect our hearts from them, then we're still connected. This could be harmful if they are bad for you, or harmless if they are neutral.

It's important to take a deep look into your relationship and see if any of these resonate with you. And if so, then maybe it's time you do something about it.