More Than Words: Nonverbal Communication in Marriage

In marriage, we often focus on what we say—but just as powerful is how we say it. In fact, research shows that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal. That includes body posture, tone of voice, facial expressions, eye contact, and even silence.

As a marriage and family therapist, I have seen this truth play out time and time again: When your nonverbal signals don't match your words, your spouse hears your tone, not your talk. Many times — it's not what you say, but how you say it.

Why It Matters

You don't need perfect words to be a good communicator — but a good start is a gentle approach. Start by softening your face, uncross your arms, turn toward your spouse, making eye contact. Sometimes the most powerful way to love your spouse is to listen with your whole body.

Gottman, J. M. (1980). Consistency of nonverbal affect and affect reciprocity in marital interaction. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 48(6), 711–717.